All rights reserved 2022-2023 Copyright HowChimp.com. Another way to communicate effectively is to make sure that you are on the same page with your son. As such, Ive approached this topic sincerely and am happy to share with you what Ive learned about this paradoxical issue. Some mothers feel that they are always right, so there is no need to apologize. The sons actions can include: Sons who treat their mothers poorly arent just hurting themselves. This can lead to tension and arguments between them, and eventually estrangement. No child should feel like she runs the household and that her parent or caretaker is there to serve her. Everyone needs to recognize that this does not mean that a son does not love his mother. Some sons may behave poorly towards their mothers because they feel unappreciated or taken for granted. The key to a healthy mother-son relationship is communication. Whatever the reason, its also important to remember that the relationship between mother and son is very complex. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-netboard-2','ezslot_21',115,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-netboard-2-0'); Narcissistic Personality Disorder: People with NPD are rude, self-centered, demanding, and feel superior to all others, including their parents. His mother tries to triangulate by going through the spouse to get what she wants from the son. The relationship between a mother and her son can be a solid one. By learning to communicate effectively with each other, mothers and sons can build a strong foundation for a lasting relationship. As expected, living with a person with NPD can be quite daunting, and maintaining a relationship with a son with NPD hugely challenging for mothers in particular since sons with this often view their mothers as inferior and targets for insults. It may also damage his relationships with other women. Parenting means taking care of your child, making decisions for your childs well-being, and raising your child to be a good, moral person. It can be a source of strength and support, or it can be a source of problems and pain. Your son needs to learn how to take care of himself and manage his relationships with people, even if theyre not family members. If you must give criticism, do so constructively and without belittling your son. How To Get Kids To Do Chores Without Nagging? He knows that she cares about him more than anyone else, so he acts out to get her attention, even if its negative attention. The issue of sons who hate their mothers is complicated, but usually stems from the same set of circumstances. They may feel like they are not good enough or that they do not deserve their mother's love. This can lead to arguments because the son feels they are being lied to by their mother and starts believing they cannot trust her anymore. If you see your mother treating her son differently than her daughters, thats a red flag. Other times it may be due to an adult child becoming abusive and the parent needs to cut off ties for safety reasons. It could also give you some insight into whats going on in his life, which can help you be more supportive of him as he grows up. You can also set up consequences for when these boundaries are crossed, but make sure theyre reasonable and that your son will actually follow through with them. But why? If they are attracted to the opposite sex, that is, daughters like fathers, while sons like their mothers, that's positive Phallic psychosexual development, and this could help us explain why sons are closer to their mothers. Mothers who do not get enough attention from their partners, have trouble finding fulfillment in their work, or struggle with depression are more likely to hurt their adult child in this way. Other times, a son might act out because he wants attention from his mother. 6 Ways To Keep The Zen! The narcissistic mother will often start out by idealizing her son and putting him on a pedestalalmost like a display object. If youre a son and your mother is physically or mentally abusive, this can have a huge impact on your life. Their mothers try to control them too much. However, if the mother favors one child over another or treats them differently, then this may indicate an unwell relationship between the two. Hopefully, these tips have helped you understand whats going on in your sons life, and how best to support him both as an adult and in your parent-child relationships. If your son has experienced any kind of childhood trauma, it can lead to emotional and behavioral issues that will often be taken out on you. Make sure you show him how much you believe in him and what he can do, and dont forget to give him compliments when he succeeds at something. This will also help him take responsibility for his actions instead of blaming others or playing the victim card when something goes wrong in his own life (which is often a defense mechanism). They are often seen as the epitome of a mother because they are very strict and do not hesitate to discipline their children. Parents tell stories of ill-spoken words, of misunderstanding, of unhelpful interference from others. This can do further harm to the mother-son relationship. This can be due to several factors, including his mothers personality, her own relationship with her mother, and their family history. 4. (5 Reasons). They respond poorly to critique and have a high need for excessive praise. Though traits of NPD may show up during childhood or late adolescence, most people with NPD are diagnosed in early adulthood. And even though it may be hard to draw that line, or even define that line, so to speak, we all can recognize it when we cross it, just like we can recognize it when someone else crosses it too! If these issues are not resolved, this can cause them to lash out at their mothers and others around them. 5 Signs God Is Trying to Remove Someone from Your Life! Another sign of an unhealthy relationship is when the son feels like he cant express himself freely to his mother. You should also encourage him to express his feelings in a respectful way. Its important to understand the reasons behind this behavior so that we can address it effectively. If possible, schedule the meeting in the evening or on a weekend. Here are some reasons why this happens: When a mother is too hard on her son, he will begin to disrespect her. The son may feel like his mom doesnt understand or care about him. For example, issues such as in-laws, marriage, and even divorce were common reasons a son would find estrangement necessary. Related Has your son never had a girlfriend? Please log in again. This is certainly not typical of someone neglectful or abusive, and worthy of hatred. The nature want us to love our parents, it is a natural part of life. Treating her with disrespect or contempt. This relationship between a mother and son is full of frustration and anger. You can also get psychological or medical advice from professionals who can help you recover from this harmful behavior! She wants to feel loved and appreciated, and if she cannot find this in her husband or other male figures around her, she will seek it out from her son. Little Ninja parenting is compensated for referring traffic and business to these companies. Their mothers are over-involved in their lives. Because in a healthy family world, all children are treated equally. Many sons feel that their mothers try to control every aspect of their lives. It is also considered a normal way of parenting for mothers who have endured the same behavior from their own mothers. This means that she looks to him to make her feel good about herself and she bases her own self-esteem on his approval. It can be a source of strength and support or, alternatively, a source of stress and tension. You might think that you know everything there is to know about your son, but its always nice to hear what he has to say. "There!" he says, throwing it down where his mother can see before stomping off to his room. A majority of moms also believed their child's mental health or addiction issues played a role. A son will not simply begin hating his mother overnight. Check out our Have A Peaceful Home Without Yelling video course here. If a son does not learn to treat his mother with respect, he will likely carry this disrespect into future relationships. Your son may want to emulate your behavior, so its important to be an example of healthy relationships by being kind, calm, and patient. An unhealthy relationship can also be characterized by a lack of communication between the two. They love to control their childrens lives and often overstep boundaries by interfering in matters that do not (and should not) concern them. That way, when he comes back home and tells you about something that didnt work out as planned or something that didnt turn out quite as expected (or even if everything went perfectly), youll both be able to learn from each other instead of just one person learning all by themselves! Sons who hate their mothers are rare, but exist. He may also be unable to get along well with his siblings or other family members. Pointing out the opposite is the most effective method of curing selfishness. And a son from a loving mother may love her back, or hate her. How did a loving mother-son relationship become hateful? Set Healthy Boundaries; Work on Communication; Own Any Mistakes You've Made; Be Patient and Don't Hold a Grudge I have identified five types of difficult mother: controlling, angry, narcissistic, envious and emotionally unavailable though most difficult mothers may display all traits to a greater or. When a mother is critical of her son, it communicates to him that he is not good enough and that she expects more from him than he can deliver. This is exacerbated when the issue goes untreated. An academic study in the Journal of Family Psychology studied 1,500 adolescents to recognize the parenting differences African American mothers had with their sons and daughters. Mothers and sons argue about schoolwork, chores, curfews, and accountability. Be careful not to overreact when your son makes a mistake. She is a former public school teacher of 18 years, licensed in 3 states and certified to teach elementary, secondary English, and English Language Learners. We hope that this article has given you a good perspective on the impact of the issues discussed. A bossy mother will often want to know where her son is at all times, what hes doing, and who hes spending time with. Its important for mothers to have their own independent source of self-worth and not put such a burden on their sons. Something a lot of parents feel like they cant do in front of their kids is own up to making mistakes and potentially looking anything less than perfect. Parents need to encourage their children to individuate and find their own identities to develop healthy self-esteem and respect for others. Another way to help sons understand how much their behavior hurts is for their mothers to write them letters. Sons may grow resentful of this and react in a negative manner toward their mothers. A 15-year-old boy brings home his school report. Its difficult to say why some sons are mean to their mothers. However, for sons, their negative relationship with their mother more often had ripple effects to break down other relationships. They are toxic people and you can't change them. If your mom seems lonelylike she doesnt have any friends or interests outside of youthat could be a sign of an unhealthy mother-son relationship. You want to set boundaries for him and make sure he treats you with respect, but at the same time, you might have trouble letting go of the idea that he will always be a child and that any behavior is justwhat kids do.. A mother who crosses boundaries will inevitably have a son who will grow up to cut off contact with her. If necessary, mothers must not hesitate to reach out to law enforcement if they feel like they are in danger. This will also teach him how to make good choices and give him confidence in his abilities as well as his independence from you. I have tried it all, name it. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future. This is not healthy. This reason is related to #2. When a son mistreats his mother, its normal to feel hurt and confused. Some of the most illuminating writing on the mother-son relationships comes from William Pollack in his book Real Boys, where he describes how men are forced into a "gender straitjacket" and how mothers can reinforce these norms by encouraging them to suppress emotion. Things change. Your email address will not be published. By being supportive of your sons interests and passions, you let him know that he can come to you with anythingand that will make all the difference. Jackie has been a teacher for many decades with awards and accolades from all across the country. In the United States, it is estimated that one in four sons will treat their mothers poorly. This can lead to anxiety and feeling suffocated by the relationship. When your mother treats you like a child and tries to control every aspect of your life, its a sign that shes abusing her role as a parent. A scheming mother who is overstepping boundaries will try to control every aspect of her sons relationships without regard for his needs, wants, or desires. Mother-son relationships can be complicated, and the specifics of a dysfunctional one vary widely. Make no mistake about it, abuse does not have to be physical. How Long Does It Take to Forgive a Cheating Spouse? if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'littleninjaparenting_com-box-4','ezslot_3',149,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-box-4-0'); As a mom of four, three of whom are sons, this is a topic near and dear to me. There will be times when your child does something nice for someone else. Sometimes, its because their parents had trouble showing how they felt. The son feels like hes not good enough for his mother. This makes it difficult for the son to trust his mother because he will always doubt whether or not he has done a good or bad thing. This was illustrated in a 2015 British study, Hidden Voices, which surveyed nearly 2,000 individuals about why they were estranged from their parents and the psychological consequences of the estrangements. This can cause resentment on both sidesthe mother resents having to manipulate him into doing things for her, and the son resents being manipulated into doing things for his mother. When a son feels this way about their mother, they may be less likely to respect and listen to her later in life. If it does not resolve, it can feel like a death. We are parents of four (one with several special needs) and have been married since 1994. The mother may be too critical of her son, making him feel she does not respect him. Therefore, the sons feel the mothers dont have faith in them as adults, or of their ability to make good decisions. Sometimes it is the child's spouse who demands distancing from family. Raise the issue in a non-confrontational manner as soon possible. She may also cause him to feel like shes trying to control his life. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-narrow-sky-1','ezslot_18',157,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-narrow-sky-1-0'); Sons need to feel that their mothers believe in them. They all get the same attention and affection and are encouraged to do the same things in life. This does not only foster hatred in the son but also a sense of worthlessness and insignificance for him. And no one thing always means sons will love or hate their mothers. If hes into something like woodworking or knitting, be supportive by helping him find resources for learning more about it, or even just encouraging him to pursue his passion. Not showing her love or affection as a mother. When a mother starts to make her son feel guilty for doing things without her. This final act of estrangement is a characteristic of sons who hate their mothers. We have an extensive holistic parenting course just for you. An overly controlling mother may lead sons to hate them. Mothers who are controlling usually have high expectations for their children. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-leader-3','ezslot_14',154,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-leader-3-0'); One of the main reasons a son will hate his controlling mother is because of the guilt she constantly makes him feel. There are a few things to keep in mind when trying to communicate effectively with your son. Yet even with proper coping mechanisms employed, the relationship is strained when mental issues are involved. If you are not sure that you are on the same page, ask your son to explain what he thinks you want and then tell him what you really want. eval(ez_write_tag([[320,50],'ciprofamily_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_12',600,'0','0']));This list is by no means exhaustive, but it provides a starting point for those who are looking to improve their relationships with their mothers. There are many reasons why sons might treat their mothers poorly, but some of the most common reasons include: lack of respect, feeling neglected or unimportant, feeling like they have to compete with other members of the family, and feeling like their mothers are too controlling. There is also not an exact description of the personality traits behind sons who hate their mothers. This can make them less receptive to their mothers attempts to help them with their problems or offer advice about how they should behave. Controlling Mothers May Alienate Their Sons, Sons Who Hate Their Mothers Tend to Have Difficult Adult Relationships, If Boundaries Are Disrespected, Things Will Escalate, Sons Who Hate Their Mothers May Simply Cut Off Contact, Mental Illness and Personality Disorders Can Shatter Relationships, Wrapping Up What to Know about Sons Who Hate Their Mothers, link to My Son Is Homeless (Facing Difficult Choices), link to When Your Mother Makes Up Stories (Explained With Tips). When he feels comfortable talking with you about the things that matter to him, hell be more likely to open up about other things, toolike when something might be bothering him or if something is going on at school. Many sons treat their mothers poorly and make their life miserable. This way, they can mend their relationship. This problem can have serious consequences for both the mother and the son, including feelings of isolation, low self-esteem, and even depression. Some adult children deliberately abuse their parents and, if that is the case, then you should avoid this step. Shannon is a mother of two boys and one girl. But there are things that you can do to help your son understand how important his mother is to him, and how much she deserves to be treated with respect. So as great as it is that women are encouraged to lean in and take the bull by the horns at. A son who treats his mother poorly might feel too restricted or micromanaged, or he's going through some issues. Mothers who micro-manage their children make them feel like they can t function without Mom. This will give your son a chance to have time to process what you have told him, and it will allow him some time to digest the information. From what they wear to who they date, sons can feel like they cant do anything without their mothers approval. So when mothers arent there for their sons anymore, when theyre finally letting their sons handle things on their own, it can seem like they are trying to take over their sons life again by telling them what not to do or criticizing their choices. Mothers should talk to their sons gently. This possessive behavior can hurt a sons feelings towards his mother as well as his own psychological development. The son might have a father figure in his life who isnt his biological father. There are unhealthy mother-son relationships where the mother will replace the relationship she should have with her partner for an emotional one of the same kind with her son. This may mean talking to a therapist or counselor who can help them deal with their feelings and figure out how to best cope. Mothers should consider speaking to their sons about whats happening and why its not OK for them to treat them this way. We also participate in programs from other affiliate sites. But if you grew up in an unhealthy family, you might have noticed that your own mother gave your sister more freedom than you, or she was much more controlling over them. The study found that participants listed mental health issues and emotional abuse as reasons for their estrangements. Engages in horrific boundary-breaking. This may mean that they dont talk about important things with each other or that they dont spend much time together talking at all. It's normal for adult sons to have conflicts with their mothers. The dysfunction of the mother-son relationship will always affect his other relationships, in either big or small ways, whether the son likes or not. They are often very close, but they can also be at odds with each other. If you must meet with your son to discuss something that he is doing wrong, try to wait until a time when he has had a chance to relax and unwind. Mothers are supposed to love their children equally, but most of us know thats not always the case. I have three pieces of. In this article, well talk about some of the most common problems that arise in mother-son relationships, as well as some ways you can help your family stay healthy and strong. At the other end of the spectrum, the narcissistic mother may become so enmeshed with her children and overbearing that she engages in covert emotional . Dating a woman is a partnership. Hell learn more from making mistakes than he will from being coddled by his mother! Some online communities also provide access to various forums where parents can connect with other parents going through similar experiences. How Long Should You Wait to Ask a Girl to Be Your Girlfriend? Some children feel like they werent loved or cared for enough by their parents. Sons who hate their mothers may exhibit the following traits: Whats tricky to comprehend, though, is that a son from an abusive mother will just as likely love her as hate her. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-netboard-1','ezslot_20',114,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-netboard-1-0'); Sons who hate their mothers may get so tired of what they consider a toxic relationship that they simply abandon it altogether. Youve probably heard the saying Mother knows best, but that doesnt mean your son always wants to hear what you have to say. It could result from many factors, such as unresolved childhood issues or mental illness. Poorly Seasoned Cast Iron - How to Tell and Fix. But this can lead to many problems between a mother and son because he will feel like she is always right. For this reason, divorce should not be taken lightly (and I argue, if at all) because it leads to the breakdown of the family unit, which can lead to the breakdown of parent-child relationships, too.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-portrait-1','ezslot_22',600,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-portrait-1-0'); Sons with mental illness or personality disorders can become difficult to live with, especially for their parents. We laugh at the comical show, Everybody Loves Raymond, about Ray Barone and his dysfunctional family, but in reality, this overbearing mother and co-dependent son is no laughing matter. Make sure he understands what you expect from him and that he respects those boundaries. Parenting Tips Usman Akram-January 6, 2021. However, there are some points that mothers need to keep in mind so that they do not make their sons resent them later on. We hope to be an endless source of information for parents and grandparents about the martial arts, parenting, education, teaching virtues to kids, discipline and much more. Usually this stems from misuse of parent-child roles; for example, if there is an absent or neglectful father, then the mother may rely on her son inappropriately for counsel and companionship. This problem is especially prevalent among African American and Hispanic families. Only then can you hope to have a healthy, supportive relationship with your mother. Read More: How To Get Kids To Do Chores Without Nagging? The son may feel like their mother never did enough to protect them or that she didnt do enough to stop the abuse, even if she did try. Whatever the reason, its important to remember that no one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. This can lead to feelings of jealousy and competition, as well as resentment and anger. These sons also seem to portray a sense of avoidance when it comes to the nosy mother. First and foremost, try to have a conversation with your son about why he is behaving this way. They want to be perfect in their eyes. The mother makes the son feel guilty for doing things without her. She has provided him with food, shelter, clothing, and other necessities all of his life. But mothers shouldnt expect an immediate change in their sons behavior after sending the letter. A son whose mother is constantly prying may end up being constantly angry with his interfering parent. They may disrespect their mothers because they divorced their father. The overly controlling mother This form of parenting is seen quite often in mother-daughter relationships. She has three degrees in the field of education, been department chair of several grade levels, and interim principal in Los Angeles. Here are some of the reasons behind sons who treat their mothers poorly and tips on how to tackle this issue: Young men can have a lot of emotional issues, its part of growing up and handling relationships, and dealing with experiences. This is the conundrum. Dysfunctional mother-son relationships can be challenging to overcome, but with the right support and guidance, they can become healthy and loving again. The relationship between a mother and her son can be one of the most important relationships in her life. Its important to remember that youre not alone in this. Whatever the cause, the loss can be heartbreaking. A few days before my son's wedding, I asked if he was certain he wanted to tie the knot. This is more about helping their son understand where his actions come from so that he can make better choices about treating others around him in the future. He doesnt talk about his mother with others in his relationships. If a mother constantly judges her son then he might end up resenting her for it because he does not want people to talk about him like that. This can lead to a cycle of poor treatment and resentment. He becomes upset with any family involvement or references. In these situations, the son may be left feeling confused and angry. In that case, this may be a sign of a harmful relationship between both parties. If you have made a mistake, be honest about it and do what you can to make amends. How to Travel Confidently During Your Period? Many mothers find that the precious boy who used to cuddle up to them is now a source of constant arguments, disagreements, and contention. Some sons have personality issues that cause them to mistreat their mothers. No one deserves to be treated poorly, no matter the circumstances. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship, so its important to talk and listen to your son and make sure he feels heard. Children can be rude because they havent lived long enough to know what else is out there. If a mother constantly questions her sons abilities, it can cause a lot of resentment in the relationship. This might be because she was too busy working or emotionally unavailable. Yet, many times a mother, in particular, may not know who her son has grown into, and, in turn, it will cause anxiety and hostility in the relationship. It is no secret that the relationship between a mother and her son is an important one. If she just calls you up to talk about how youre doing in school or your plans for the weekend, it might seem like she only cares about making sure youre happy and healthy. A son who has a destructive relationship with his mother will likely have an unhealthy relationship with others. Much of what they describe, while conflict-laden and uncomfortable, doesn't seem bad enough . For example, a study in the academic journal Personal Relationships examined how adult attachment styles are influenced by how close the mother was to her children. For the most part, the first thing Ive learned about sons who hate their mothers is that there is not a one-size-fits-all reason behind it. Tell your child how their behavior is affecting you. Listening will help you understand where hes coming from and how he feels about things. He may also feel that she is too controlling in how she handles his life, which can make him feel suffocated by his mother. But when that tension turns into a feeling of always falling short, it might be time to take a closer look at the relationship. This can include things like son talking poorly, being disrespectful or rude, and even acting out violently towards you. It can be difficult for mothers to treat their adult son and daughter equally regarding discipline, love, and affection. If a mother cannot let her son live his own life and continues to stick her nose in where it does not belong, a hateful son may distance himself from her permanently. Men will challenge a woman they date more than they would challenge their mom. This type of abuse can lead to anxiety and depression in the son. If you think this is the reason your son is treating you badly, its important to take a step back and reassess how you interact with your son, and make sure youre not smothering him or overstepping boundaries. However, many people are unaware of the negative impact of their behavior. For example, studies have shown how mothers treat their sons and daughters differently. Jackie Booe is a Catholic mother of four, grandmother ("Oma") to two, and wife to Mat since 1994. What does it mean when We are Mathew Booe and Jackie Booe. Mothers who raised their children alone and are now outsiders. This can lead to frustration and resentment, which can manifest itself in poor treatment of mothers. But what happens when a mother is mistreated by her son? This can lead to sons taking their mothers for granted and forgetting to show them appreciation. They may also resent her for not leaving the abuser when they had the chance. Here are a few tips for dealing with sons who treat their mothers poorly. Whatever the reason, I feel sorry for any child who disrespects their mom and misses out on one of the most important nurturing and loving relationships they will ever have. A mother must show her son that she loves him without being too much. It can often be challenging, but with these tips, you can create a healthy mother-son relationship. She might demand that you live at home until youre 30 or tell you who to date and how to dress. He may have trouble forming healthy romantic relationships or maintaining friendships. Read on as we explore the issue of sons who mistreat their mothers, why sons behave this way, what it does to their mothers, and what mothers can do about it. A child should not take on the parent role in the mother-son relationship. She may start to question why she even bothered to have children in the first place and may even start to resent them. Males in particular have a higher rate of diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder than females.This is a very helpful video for those wanting to begin to understand these disorders. This will go a long way in showing your son that youre humble and human, and itll also show him how important communication is. The mother might use guilt trips or other manipulative tactics to try to get what she wants from her son, who will often feel like he has to give in because he feels guilty about not giving her what she wants. The son feels like he cant please his mother. Communication is the backbone of any relationship, and that means talking and listening. There should be a special bond between a mother and a son, in some cultures, it is revered and celebrated. It can also be a great way for both of you to learn how to communicate better and improve your relationship. Your son is not the only one who has ever done thisand he wont be the last. Some signs that a son may continue to have problems with his maternal relationship when he develops his own mature, adult relationships later in life include: As well, there are signs from a mother that could lead to her son hating her: The more a mother may interfere or complain about a sons relationship, the more he will resent and even hate her. In an unhealthy mother-son relationship, the mother is overbearing and controlling. A man's relationship with his mother will differ from a significant other relationship / casual dating situation. They may feel like they are not good enough or that they do not deserve their mothers love. This is the more difficult kind of mother-son relationship to repair. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. But unless he continues. 5. It also means making rules to guide your child and disciplining your child when needed. Parents who have been alienated by those they raised. If you want your son to grow into a healthy young man with good self-esteem, then you need to give him room for growth. Again, this will lead to resentment, negatively affecting their relationship. In addition, the study showed that divorce also affects a sons outlook towards his parents and mother, specifically. Renowned clinical psychologist and respected university professor, Jordan B. Peterson, has addressed the mother-son relationship extensively via professional talks and books. Some personality disorders can cause a person to have a warped perspective on themselves and others. A son is a lot like a reflection of you. A study of more than 1,000 mothers estranged from their adult children found that nearly 80% believed that an ex-husband or their son- or daughter-in-law had turned their children against them. "If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall say to the elders of his city, 'This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.' This can manifest in a number of ways, including the mother constantly needing to know what her son is doing, being overly critical of her son, and not allowing him to have any independence. Anger. Many times, a son will hate his mother because she is continually crossing boundaries, criticizing, and disrespecting his choices. This is especially true in sons who have Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Some sons are jealous of their mothers relationship with their spouse. How To Baby Proof Your Christmas Tree, Because Safety Doesnt Have To Be Complicated! In some cases, this behavior may be a cry for help. This is the most obvious sign that a mother-son relationship is unhealthy. Everyone needs to recognize that this does not mean that a son does not love his mother. Your email address will not be published. Finally, if the issue persists and nothing seems to be changing, dont be afraid to ask for professional help. There is a difference between the concerned mother giving advice out of love and the judgmental, pushy, and intrusive mother who just wants to tell her son what to do. Mothers should talk to their sons gently. Whatever the reason, its not healthy for either the mother or the son. You can also suggest professional counseling if needed, as this may be the best route for him to take. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-portrait-2','ezslot_23',161,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-portrait-2-0'); As shown above, sons who suffer from mental disorders or illness may have irrational and negative feelings towards their mothers, affecting their long-term relationship. When this happens, children tend to distance themselves from their parents because they no longer feel loved or respected by them. As a mother who knows the pain of an adult child's rejection, I formed an online community and wrote a book to help parents abandoned by adult children: Done With The Crying: Help and Healing for Mothers of Estranged Adult Children. Control is also evident when mothers make decisions for their children without consulting them first. . This will bolster the young child's ego. Overstepping boundaries can take on many forms, from the mother being overly involved in her sons life to being controlling and manipulative. Contrary to what Hillary Clinton said, it does not actually take a village. He hides his relationships from his mother. This can be clearly seen in the actions of males in particular. A lot of kids and young adults will reach a point where they push back against what they perceive to be a controlling mother or parent. I dont purport to be the perfect mother, but I, like most moms, have tried to be as good of a mom as I know how. A mother who controlled her son may feel it is okay to control his spouse, but this will create a further wedge in the relationship. If you believe your mother is treating you differently because she sees you as more masculine than feminine. (If youd like more on Jordan Peterson and his perspective on lifes issues, his latest book, Beyond Order: 12 More Rules for Life is now available at Amazon.) Its crucial to be patient with your son and not hold grudges, no matter how difficult hes being and how hes treating you. If you are a son who treats your mother poorly, it is important to seek professional help to address the root of your problem. Now there are always exceptions; but remember, theyre called exceptions for a reason, and not the rule. Disrespecting boundaries may start at a young age and continue through adulthood. As a result, the son becomes arrogant and eventually disrespects his mother. Young sons rebel for a reason but with enough work, you can mend a broken relationship. She may try to manipulate him by saying things like,I know whats best for you,orYou need to do this because I said so.This type of mother-son relationship can be unhealthy for both parties involved because it can lead to resentment and anger on the sons part. Showing little or no respect for her boundaries, opinions, and feelings. Mothers always put their children first and are always there for them, even when they dont deserve it. When a son grows up in an abusive household, their relationship with their mother is often strained. These fights can happen daily, and if they arent handled well, they can become the primary way mothers and sons talk during adolescence. If a mother is treated poorly by her son, its essential to understand that it is not always the mothers fault. This site does not constitute psychological or medical advice, please consult licensed psychological or medical professionals in your area for psychological or medical advice. After logging in you can close it and return to this page. Simple 3-Minute Meditation Script Thatll Change Your Life! These sons (and mothers) have varying backgrounds and cultures, and come from all walks of life. When a mother has problems or issues, she will blame her son for it even though he did nothing wrong. If your sons relationship is making him unhappy, or he is having problems with his friends or family, this could indicate that other issues are at play. The mother may also be too busy and only spend time with her son when she is forced to do so by circumstances. 5 Reasons Sons Treat Their Mothers Poorly, Signs Of An Unhealthy Mother-Son Relationship, How To Create A Healthy Mother-Son Relationship. What does this constant meddling say about sons who hate their mothers? Dr.Timothy Legg says that if youre not willing to sacrifice the relationship, then you must modify your behavior in relation to the behavior of the person with NPD. And to do this successfully usually requires regular and consistent therapy involving all stakeholders, if possible: the son, the mother, and the father. This was addressed in a controversial but albeit continued influential way in the late 1800s by Psychologist Sigmund Freud in what he coined the Oedipus Complex. This is one of the most important things you can do for your son. Instead, they should write from the heart and focus on being honest about how their sons behavior makes them feel. 1. This way, they can mend their relationship. Its important to talk to them and provide guidance, but not in a way that is too forceful or overbearing. While a person is not at fault for their own mental illness or personality disorders, they can become burdensome on relationships, causing irrevocable damage. This connects to another aspect about sons who hate their mothers: relationships, which well look at next. They may be mean people, full stop. A mother may wonder how her son could hate her after she gave birth to him. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-leader-1','ezslot_10',109,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-leader-1-0'); The relationship between a mother and son is extremely important to a males upbringing, just as the father-son relationship is. (Source: Healthline). When a mother is constantly finding fault with her son, it creates an environment of tension and conflict. Sons in these relationships will feel obligated to help their mothers through their problems and issues constantly. And sometimes the reason can seem inexplicable. Sons Who Treat Their Mothers Poorly - YouTube 0:00 / 1:10 Sons Who Treat Their Mothers Poorly 433 views Feb 24, 2021 To see more info on this and many other parenting related topics .more. This is a severe issue that should be dealt with immediately. Mothers must try not to get angry as they write the letter. He may start to believe that he will never be good enough for his mothers approval. Parenting by definition isnt overbearing or controlling. The saying, Action speaks louder than words, is so true when it comes to being a parent and a role model. This will lead him to disrespect other women as well. This goes full circle to show your son how much you care, that youre human, and that youre willing to go to great lengths to build a healthy mother-son relationship. It gets harder for sons to trust. It's possible that there are underlying issues causing his poor treatment of you and if you can get to the bottom of those issues, you may be able to help him improve his behavior. 3. If were honest about our own mistakes, theyll be more likely to open up about their own mistakes, which will help both parties get through them easier than if they were just ignored altogether without any explanation! if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-medrectangle-4','ezslot_1',106,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-medrectangle-4-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-medrectangle-4','ezslot_2',106,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-medrectangle-4-0_1');.medrectangle-4-multi-106{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. He talks badly about his mother and/or all women. Its tempting to get involved in every little thing that goes on in your sons life, but this is one of the worst things you can do if you want to establish healthy mother-son relationships. A mother-son relationship is one of the most important relationships a man can have. This can cause the son to become angry and resentful towards his mother. Supporting your son is important, but it doesnt mean you have to play every sport or join every club he does. This could be because the mother cheated on her husband or because she remarried and her new partner adopted or had another child. Well look at these below.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_7',151,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-large-leaderboard-2-0'); Are you having trouble with your children? When he comes home from school, dont just ask him what happened todayask him how he feels about it. A son who treats his mother poorly might feel too restricted or micromanaged, or hes going through some issues. Mothers Should Not Judge Their Sons Too Much. https://aleteia.org/2018/12/09/the-impact-of-controlling-mothers-on-their-sons/, https://www.bustle.com/p/9-signs-your-mom-is-too-controlling-how-to-deal-with-it-36863, https://onlinelibrary-wiley-com.ezaccess.libraries.psu.edu/doi/epdf/10.1111/j.1475-6811.1995.tb00076.x, http://standalone.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/HiddenVoices.FinalReport.pdf, https://search-proquest-com.ezaccess.libraries.psu.edu/docview/614509632/fulltextPDF/DD39F752A24D4257PQ/1?accountid=13158, https://www.livescience.com/8156-boys-close-relationship-mom.html. We can spend all day listing everything our mothers do for us and how much they mean to us. its a sign of an unhealthy mother-son relationship. Other times, sons may be mean to their mothers because they are going through a tough time in their own lives and take it out on the people closest to them. Some mothers favor certain children over others, and sometimes, it can be a bad relationship. He needs to make mistakes and learn from them, which he cant do if youre constantly scolding him or telling him what to do. For further study, you may want to read my articles about sons who treat their mothers poorly and sons closeness to their mothers and fathers, as well as check out the additional resources listed below. These could include unresolved anger, resentment, or feelings of inadequacy. sons closeness to their mothers and fathers, Avoidance and detachment in relationships, Emotional issues in childhood and in adult life. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-banner-1','ezslot_6',108,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-banner-1-0');Although this psychological study examined later-born, not first-born, boys, it did illustrate how mothers may treat their sons differently and, in turn, could lead to negative effects. A sons relationship with his mother not only helps the son form his very own identity but also influences how he interacts with others, including other women, later on in life. It may not seem a stretch to imagine a son hating a mean, harmful mother, but some sons truly hate their mothers, despite the moms being utterly caring and loving. The result can be a deep feeling of inadequacy and insecurity. The login page will open in a new tab. Please love your mother too. He might feel like he doesnt know how to relate to women because the woman who raised him made him feel uncomfortable around her. Mothers who control their sons to an extreme degree may end up hurting how their sons will control their very own emotions in the future. You can find it in a million memes, It's reiterated in personal essays from women who say their worst relationships were with men who yelled at their moms . This is a complex situation of factors ranging from neglectful parenting to early childhood attachment problems to mental illness. There are many reasons why a mother would abuse her son, but it is almost always due to her own personal anger and frustration. A toxic mother-son relationship is characterized by a power imbalance, where the son feels helpless in his relationship with his mother. Dont try so hard to keep tabs on what hes doing or who hes hanging out with; instead, let him go out into the world and find his own way through life. 20 Fun & Memorable Christmas Activities For Kids, How To Deal With Entitled Stepchildren: 9 Ways To Harmonize With Your New Family, How To Motivate A Teenager Who Doesnt Care: 14 Ways To Re-invigorate Your Child. Mothers are often the first person to love you, care for you, and to show you what it means to be a parent. __CONFIG_colors_palette__{"active_palette":0,"config":{"colors":{"6cd47":{"name":"Main Accent","parent":-1}},"gradients":[]},"palettes":[{"name":"Default","value":{"colors":{"6cd47":{"val":"var(--tcb-skin-color-0)","hsl":{"h":2,"s":0.8436,"l":0.01,"a":1}}},"gradients":[]},"original":{"colors":{"6cd47":{"val":"rgb(47, 138, 229)","hsl":{"h":210,"s":0.77,"l":0.54,"a":1}}},"gradients":[]}}]}__CONFIG_colors_palette__, {"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}, __CONFIG_colors_palette__{"active_palette":0,"config":{"colors":{"f3080":{"name":"Main Accent","parent":-1},"f2bba":{"name":"Main Light 10","parent":"f3080"},"trewq":{"name":"Main Light 30","parent":"f3080"},"poiuy":{"name":"Main Light 80","parent":"f3080"},"f83d7":{"name":"Main Light 80","parent":"f3080"},"frty6":{"name":"Main Light 45","parent":"f3080"},"flktr":{"name":"Main Light 80","parent":"f3080"}},"gradients":[]},"palettes":[{"name":"Default","value":{"colors":{"f3080":{"val":"rgb(23, 23, 22)"},"f2bba":{"val":"rgba(23, 23, 22, 0.5)","hsl_parent_dependency":{"h":60,"l":0.09,"s":0.02}},"trewq":{"val":"rgba(23, 23, 22, 0.7)","hsl_parent_dependency":{"h":60,"l":0.09,"s":0.02}},"poiuy":{"val":"rgba(23, 23, 22, 0.35)","hsl_parent_dependency":{"h":60,"l":0.09,"s":0.02}},"f83d7":{"val":"rgba(23, 23, 22, 0.4)","hsl_parent_dependency":{"h":60,"l":0.09,"s":0.02}},"frty6":{"val":"rgba(23, 23, 22, 0.2)","hsl_parent_dependency":{"h":60,"l":0.09,"s":0.02}},"flktr":{"val":"rgba(23, 23, 22, 0.8)","hsl_parent_dependency":{"h":60,"l":0.09,"s":0.02}}},"gradients":[]},"original":{"colors":{"f3080":{"val":"rgb(23, 23, 22)","hsl":{"h":60,"s":0.02,"l":0.09}},"f2bba":{"val":"rgba(23, 23, 22, 0.5)","hsl_parent_dependency":{"h":60,"s":0.02,"l":0.09,"a":0.5}},"trewq":{"val":"rgba(23, 23, 22, 0.7)","hsl_parent_dependency":{"h":60,"s":0.02,"l":0.09,"a":0.7}},"poiuy":{"val":"rgba(23, 23, 22, 0.35)","hsl_parent_dependency":{"h":60,"s":0.02,"l":0.09,"a":0.35}},"f83d7":{"val":"rgba(23, 23, 22, 0.4)","hsl_parent_dependency":{"h":60,"s":0.02,"l":0.09,"a":0.4}},"frty6":{"val":"rgba(23, 23, 22, 0.2)","hsl_parent_dependency":{"h":60,"s":0.02,"l":0.09,"a":0.2}},"flktr":{"val":"rgba(23, 23, 22, 0.8)","hsl_parent_dependency":{"h":60,"s":0.02,"l":0.09,"a":0.8}}},"gradients":[]}}]}__CONFIG_colors_palette__, What to Know About Sons Who Treat Their Mothers Poorly: Forging A Path To A Mutually Respectful Relationship, Tell-tale signs of an unhealthy mother-son relationship, Controlling mother or an overbearing mother, Physical or mental abuse from other people or the abusive mother herself, Influenced by the medias bad boy behavior, Son has a toxic relationship with a romantic partner, with his peers, or with a dysfunctional family, The mother treats her daughters differently, How To Create A Healthy Mother-Son Relationship, Be Open And Honest About Your Own Mistakes, Dont Get Overly Involved In His Personal Life, Be Supportive Of Your Sons Interests And Passions. Sons who treat their mothers poorly are often lost and confused. In some cases, sons may even verbally or physically abuse their mothers if they are feeling particularly angry or frustrated. They expect them to excel at everything they do and always come out on top. An overly controlling mother is also someone who wants to have the final say in how her son lives his life. Sons Who Treat Their Mothers Poorly. The one emotion boys are allowed to show? The males who cut off contact with their mothers listed the following reasons for their estrangements:if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-narrow-sky-2','ezslot_19',158,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-narrow-sky-2-0'); From the parents side, having a better understanding of their sons point of view was a key factor. 6. Here are six signs of an unhealthy mother-son relationship: 1. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_12',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); Oedipus Complex: Complex of emotions of the son around age 3-5 towards his mother that positively or negatively affects his future relationships depending on the attachments formed in his childhood environment (Source: Simply Psychology). But it happens, and happens for a number of reasons. He may even begin to question why his mother is so hard on him in the first place. Peterson attributes the mothers fear of losing her son as a reason for her controlling behavior to manifest itself-to avoid or try to avoid her son leaving her. When youre a mother, it can be hard to know what to do when your son treats you poorly. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-sky-3','ezslot_24',116,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-sky-3-0'); In conclusion, there are often many underlying and connecting issues that lead to sons hating their mothers. Why are some sons so mean to their mothers? If the children do not meet their expectations, they usually punish them with harsh words or even physical violence. The son also needs to do his part by ensuring he keeps healthy boundaries with his mother and maintains a balance between his mother and spouse. Whether youre a mother, a son, or just a person with a beating heart and an internet connection, this information should make you feel less alone. Even though this is not typical of most mother-son relationships, unfortunately, it does happen at times.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-sky-4','ezslot_25',162,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-sky-4-0'); To recap, some factors or causes leading to sons hating their mothers are: Although this is a complicated issue, I hope Ive shed some light on it for you. The son ends up resenting this behavior and his mother. Instead, years of suppressing negative emotions may affect the males development and ability to establish intimacy in future relationships. When kids are young, its a good idea to teach them to care for other people. What constitutes a negative relationship with one's mother is a fairly broad set of possibilities, and some negative relationships are . One of the most common rules kids learn from parents regardless of culture and background is to not tell lies, so it comes as a shock when it seems your own mother is doing it. In this case, the mother has a soft heart, so she always forgives her son. 2. This will help him open up about his day and get some of that pent-up emotion out in the open before it builds up inside him. Disclaimer regarding normal parent-child roles: There is the exception of the changing child-parent relationship when the parent is aging and the child takes on a care-giver identity akin to parenting. Of course, he understands that she is just trying to show him a better way forward but this becomes irritating at times. Common Reasons Why Sons Treat Their Mothers Poorly. One of the most important things you can do to create a healthy relationship with your son is to let him make his own decisions. Yet, some also say its because of something more covert such as a slyly, manipulative mother. Some young men will be influenced by their peers or even older family members and mistreat their mothers. This can be very frustrating for the son because he does not have a chance to express his feelings to his mother. If the mother disrespectfully treats her son, he will develop feelings of resentment and hatred toward his mother. Remember, he is still learning how to be an adult. If they've never owned their bad behavior, then it's never going to stop. A son may feel like his mother doesnt trust him and that she thinks hes incompetent. The mother is the first person who can teach her son how to respect other people. Its important to set healthy boundaries when it comes to parent-child relationships. Required fields are marked *. 2. Adult sons are often influenced by these medias depiction of men as powerful and dominant, which can cause them to feel like they need to fit that image. The mother-son relationship is complex and often influenced by media depictions of what it means to be a man. Unresolved Emotional Issues; Not Mature Enough; Childhood Trauma; Reacting to A Controlling Mother; Being Influenced by Others; Tips for Creating a Healthy Mother-Son Relationship. The personality traits behind sons who hate their mothers poorly and make their life miserable feel too restricted micromanaged. In life along well with his mother with respect, he will develop feelings inadequacy... Are controlling usually have high expectations for their mothers because they divorced their father approached this sincerely. The specifics of a harmful relationship between a mother is treating you at next and foremost try. Part of life communication between the two is still learning how to make good decisions take on many forms from! Arrogant and eventually estrangement can to make her son, he understands that she loves him without too... 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Is communication a teacher for many decades with awards and accolades from all across the country you to! Mean that a mother-son relationship, how to be complicated after logging in you can mend a broken relationship mother... Exact description of the most important relationships in her sons abilities, it can be cry! He does ve never owned their bad behavior, then you should also encourage him to express his feelings his! Without Nagging instead, they usually punish them with harsh words or even family... Treat them this way of problems and issues constantly environment of tension and conflict she birth. As in-laws, marriage, and even divorce were common reasons a son not... A chance to express his feelings to his mother with respect, he understands she. Their children first and are encouraged to lean in and take the bull by the relationship is by... To be patient with your son is very complex Long does it mean when we are parents of (! 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